Faith,  Life Updates,  Lifestyle

My Views Are Going Down… And I’m Kind of Okay With It?

Something that has been happening for the last couple of months or so, is that on my YouTube channel, my views have been going down. Not just by a little bit, but by… a lot of bit.

I do truly believe in likes and numbers not defining you, BUT sticking to this belief is incredibly difficult when these numbers directly correlate to your job stability, to your income, and to being able to pay for your bills. And when something like your views dropping, your engagement decreasing, or a whole global pandemic, comes storming along, this in turn is going to hit you hard- financially, emotionally, and mentally.

I would say maybe October of last year was when I noticed my views starting to dip.

The undulation of views and engagement is 100% completely normal; actually quite similar to life- there are ups and there are downs. In December 2019 and January of this year, other YouTubers across the board were also experiencing a drop in views and engagement. It seemed like an anomaly, because typically around that time of year, views are up as many people are home for the holidays and turn to YouTube for entertainment. As January drew to a close, and 2020 started flying by, it seemed that everyone’s views were climbing back up and returning to normal.

But unfortunately, not for me. And I don’t want this to sound like a pity party at all; please don’t take this post in that way. The last few weeks I have had some major introspective moments, where I really had a good check-in with myself to truly see where I’m at. I’ve also had quite a few moments where I’ve collapsed on to my bed, or my couch, or my floor, looked up at my ceiling, with tears staining my face, and asked God, “Why me??” We’ll get into that in a bit, but the reason I want to share all of this is because my brand that I’ve built, at the base of my content, is transparency. I want to share this because it’s honest, it’s real, it’s something no one ever talks about. So I’m going to talk about it. I think it will also be partially interesting to you guys, as well as something that is both cathartic and therapeutic for processing, for me.

“At a certain point, you have to realize that all you can do is try your best. You have to accept that you can’t make everyone else happy and you cannot spend your entire life trying to make everyone else proud.
Make yourself proud. That’s what’s important.”

Long story short, my views have steadily been decreasing- which sucks.

There’s no way around that; it sucks. It makes me feel this weird combination of melancholy, frustration, envy, and pure inadequacy. Waking up every day feeling like you’re not good enough is like a punch to the gut at the least expected moment. It’s like getting into the shower before the water has warmed, when your body is met with an attack of icy anger. It’s a constant parallel of that feeling when you’re out somewhere and your stomach drops because you can’t recall if you turned off the stove. The feeling is unexpected and plaguing, infiltrating your mind and taking over.

Beyond that it makes sad that I have been working harder than ever with my content. I’ve been trying new things, going out of the box, adding a higher level of production, being more honest and unfiltered, and things have just been not doing as well as I hope. I detest that everything is so tethered- views, engagement, my self esteem, money, effort, and hard work. They’re all tied together in the way your headphones tangle in your pocket on a long walk. Impossible to separate and incredibly frustrating.

I think the hardest part of it all, is the ambiguity.

Not having a definitive explanation on why a piece of content might not be doing well. Is the thumbnail? The title? The topic? The algorithm? Did a bigger YouTuber coincidentally upload the same type of video that day? Is it because I don’t look as pretty as I usually do? Is it because of how I’m dressed? There are so many minute factors that all add up to one simple thing, a view.

For people to care enough to subscribe, I am so impossibly, unfathomably, grateful. I wish I could hug each and every person, and sit down to have a coffee with everyone to chat about life.”

As I mentioned just a moment ago, so often I’ve found myself asking God, “Why?” I’ve been doing YouTube for years. 4 years full-time, 6 years with this channel, and 12 years on and off making YouTube videos, since 2008. With the six years I’ve put into my channel, I have nearly half a million people, who have cared enough about what I have to say, hit that subscribe button. And for that, for people to care enough to subscribe, I am so impossibly, unfathomably, grateful. I wish I could hug each and every person, and sit down to have a coffee with everyone to chat about life.

But to be fortunate enough to have such a platform, and then for less 5% of people to even watch my content sometimes is, as an understatement, a bummer.

I keep asking God to guide me:

To what I should do next, where I should focus my attention; to give me strength against comparison, to keep lifting me up. Right now I find myself leaning heavily on God, letting Him help hold me up, waiting readily to see what’s next. And I think the other day, I finally got an answer. I was searching for a verse to include in a video, so I hopped onto Pinterest and the first verse I saw was 2 Chronicles 15:7. It said, “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”

And I think whether you’re religious or not, that’s a pretty clear sign. Such a perfect, incredibly fitting verse, that happened to pop up right at the top of my Pinterest feed. So I decided to take it as a sign; just be patient, trusting, and continue working hard with diligence.

Patience, trust, and diligence.

Though it does still suck to share a video, and to see it perform the worst you’ve seen a video perform in years, I’ve come to accept it.

Even more than that, I’m kind of becoming okay with it. Reading that verse from the other day, really cemented the idea of trusting life’s timing to me. I of course would love for things to go back to a somewhat state of normal, where views return to a happy medium, because that will allow me to NOT focus on views.
It almost sounds counterintuitive, but if the views go back up, it’s no longer something to worry about. Everything will be working well and the bills will get paid. Then I can focus on other things. So despite wishing that I could just hit fast forward, to skip through this murky bit, I can’t. So I might as well just enjoy the ride and grow through this experience.


As my final sentiment with this- I’ve come to realize that it’s also incredibly freeing. It’s cool, in a weird starting-over-way, where I feel like whatever I post might not do the best, so I can really try anything at this point. There’s not the same expectation or the same limitations that couple with high views. Having this realization moment brought me such a feeling of odd giddiness and relief, which is turn has fired up the creative and inspired energy in me. Not at all what I would have ever anticipated.

So here’s where I am today: I’m okay. Things are okay.

At a certain point, you have to realize that all you can do is try your best. You have to accept that you can’t make everyone else happy and you cannot spend your entire life trying to make everyone else proud.


Make yourself proud. That’s what’s important.

Create what you want to create. Treat people kindly. Give yourself a little grace. Accept that there is, and will always be, peaks and valleys to everything. Trust that life really does have it’s own timing. And my final takeaway, and piece of advice that I’d like to share:

Reflect on where you started, where you are today, and truly just how far you’ve come.

Though this post was a deeply personal one to write, and I feel quite vulnerable sharing such a present insecurity of mine, I think it’s important to share one’s struggles. I find that often many people think that being a creator, a YouTuber, is straightforward and linear. In reality the journey is much more likened to a Jackson Pollock painting.
Okay, maybe not that bad hahaha, but you get where I’m coming from.


I hope this post resonates with you, and that I properly articulated where my heart and my mind have been. Thank you for spending a bit of your day with me, and I hope your day continues to be filled with love, kindness, and strength.

All the love,
jess xo

28 Comments

  • Lilla

    You are a very strong Girl, I know you will get through this!!! Never lose your hope. Thank you for sharing this very personal strugle with us.

    • Joy

      Jess, we all have times when things are tough. These are the times that you and myself are being tested. How we handle the difficult times are what makes us stronger. Keep your faith and you overcome this difficult time. I am 60 years old and throughout my life there were things I thought I would never get over. I learned through my life that if a door shuts open a window. You will find your way. Keep your faith and look to God, He will lead you where you need to go. Sending you lots of love and prayers.

    • Sari

      Dear Jess,

      You are an amazing human being, and it is so great of you to open up about ‘the hard times in life’. Not everything has to be amazing all the time, so I like that you address the real things in life!

      With that said, I just want to make it clear that I love your video’s! Especially the ones where you can actually see how much joy it gives you to make them (like the latest thrift flip video you made). You always give me motivation to get stuff done.

      So just make video’s that you want to make! I’ll keep watching for ever ❤️.

      Lots of love!

      Ps, do you have a PO box?? – so that I can send you something

      • Marr

        Thank you so so much for sharing this. Sometimes words of comfort escape me but Im sending you really warm hugs. Im excited to see what new creative things you come up with to have fun during this time. Subbing from TX 💚

        • Emily

          Hello! Your post got me in my feelings and I wanted to cry . But we are strong and we must keep swimming. I love your videos and things will get better. I thought you were going to leave us for a moment there and I thought to myself , what will I watch now ? I love your enthusiasm and your charisma. We are here for you!

  • Marisol

    Hey Jess,

    Honestly, I didn’t know you had a blog until today and I’ve been a subscriber for a while now. I really enjoyed reading your post today. I don’t normally comment, but you have such a friendly and inviting personality. Also, I think you said you lived in Rancho Cucamonga area and that’s really close to where I live and it makes you seem like less of a “celebrity” and just a normal person I could easily bump into. Thanks for being real and talking about feelings. As a psychology major that is all I want to do! Lol. We are not emotionless robots. Keep your head up and have faith! Definitely be gracious with yourself. At least in my perspective, if I don’t watch a video, it’s not personal! I don’t all of a sudden dislike you or your content. Honestly, for a moment with everything going on not even youtube was bringing me joy. Thankfully, I’m out of that funk. I actually watched and rewatched a whole bunch of your old videos because I needed some Jess in my life. It’ll all work out.

    God bless!

  • Krystal

    Hey Jessica! I’ve been watching your channel for a few months now on and off, and have a smaller one where I post art, and I’m glad you’ve come to this conclusion. I can’t imagine the stress of relying on views for livelihood– I do my channel for fun and to help practice in my future industry and it feels compulsive in checking views whenever I do upload. You’ve done a lot to build your following and for that you should be proud, but also know youtube is fickle. One day people like one thing, another the next, and ultimately it’s not your personality. Above all, I really think people enjoy genuineness and innovation. You’re very bright, so do what you feel the strongest urge to, even if it’s wacky. That wackiness might even become a new brand name because no one else is doing it. Just be the real you- nice, fun, and let us know you’re a true human rather than a business person. Maybe God is telling you it’s time to work hard and branch into what’s interesting you. For the majority of us watching, we just want to see you genuinely enjoying things. Keep it up!

    • Chile

      This really touched me, just so you know you have touched someone’s life with this post, you’re amazing and God bless

      • Lexa

        I really love how open and honest you are. Thank you for sharing your real emotions. I know it takes courage and boldness to be vulnerable. I appreciate you and your channel that always inspires me. I love your personality which shines through the camera each video. That is one of the biggest reason why I subscribed to your channel. Your kind personally and warm smile. Ilysm ❤️

      • Danielle L Tschirhart

        GIRL. i literally NEEDED to hear this today. thank you! 🥰 i’ve been watching your videos for a couple years + adore you + your authenticity. keep your chin up + keep doing what you’re doing 🤍

        • Olivia

          Thanks for sharing this with us Jess. I’m so sorry that things aren’t looking your way for the moment. In my opinion, your content has been better than ever! It’s really inspiring to hear your struggle with views, which you rely on for income, and then for you to accept it for what it is and move on. Stay strong. I believe in you ❤️❤️❤️

      • Carla

        Hi Jess 🙂
        I personally feel like the quality of your content is constantly going up and your videos are less generic/following a trend and show more of you and your personality which I enjoy a lot. Your content feels more original and your brand is becoming more and more recognisable and unique. As your content becomes more distinct, it’s natural for views to decline because your content is less mainstream. However, your core audience is more loyal than ever and will continue to come to your channel soecifically for you and your content. So while your content might be less popular and more in a niche, it’s becoming more meaningful and valuable to a specific group of people ❤️

      • Liz

        Hi Jess,

        I really enjoyed reading your post. It was honest, touching, and inspiring. I want you to know that I am a subscriber that has noticed the increase in production content. You produce such beautifully edited content and I can tell how much work you put into it! I’ve been enjoying how you’ve been changing your channel a bit to show your personality more. I can tell you are such a kind person. Just know that there are still many of us who still love your content and are growing with you. One day others will take notice too. Until then, keep doing you, because you are pretty amazing! ❤️

        Take care,

        Liz

    • Rebeca

      Thank you for always keeping things so transparent and real with us. It can be super tough to be vulnerable and I admire you so much for that. You know it’s interesting that for me, it was around September/October of last year (2019) that I found your channel and I’ve been hooked on your content since. You have so much creativity that I haven’t found in any other channel and know that some us out here have been really riding through everything and anything you wish to explore in terms of your content (and I will continue to do so). I enjoy seeing you explore all kinds of things and branching out to create whatever makes you happy. Your videos always put a smile on my face and I will never stop watching them. I’m sending you lots of love and always wish you nothing but the best. ❤️

  • Laura

    Hi Jessica! Ive never met you in person, But I feel like you’re like another one of my good friends. You’re so genuine, intelligent, beautiful and so creative. I loved this post, it was so real and so vulnerable. I just want to tell you that God works in mysterious ways. The best is yet to come!! Check out 1 Peter 5:7 ❤️

  • TOLAMAMUS

    Thank you so much for expressing this. It has helped and sure has helped you too. Am a Christian too, God never lies.
    He will see us through,thanks for your honesty.
    I appreciate it,this a good pat on the back for me a will be great Youtuber someday soon.
    You are blessed

  • swapnil

    I am not sure you will beilieve or not but i guess you ll understand as you are religious yourself i needed to read this today . I have been working on my channel very hard but get very less views and its disheartening to out so so much of effort for nothing but your blog and this post helped me so Thank You. Also would ask you to be please patient because you are a start i love watching all your videos, Also i am osomeone who is following you since 2 years and have watched every single video and would always think she is so preety. Please keep bringing your videos i love to watch them. Sending you love and hugs from India🌸

  • Germaine @ germainehan.com

    Thank you for being so open and vulnerable about this, Jess. I have been watching your channel for quite a bit, and it’s true, your content is incredibly high quality. As a content creator, I understand the struggle with views because it’s so difficult to not focus on all the numbers and statistics. You’ve been doing this for so long and I can totally see that it is something that you truly love. Keep at it girl, you’re more than a conqueror <3

  • Olivia

    Thanks for sharing this with us Jess. I’m so sorry that things aren’t looking your way for the moment. In my opinion, your content has been better than ever! It’s really inspiring to hear your struggle with views, which you rely on for income, and then for you to accept it for what it is and move on. Stay strong. I believe in you ❤️❤️❤️

  • Pia

    Hey Jess ♡
    I’m happy that you blogged again about your life. You have been my favorite content-creator and I’ve been watching you for over two years now. You’ve once commented on an instagram picture of me and told me how pretty I looked and reposted a picture of me in your story. That meant so much to me.
    So I wanted to leave a comment, to let you know, how much impact you have on so many people. Perhaps your views are not as good at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t inspire other girls and women anymore. I really love your transparency, you are so relatable in so many ways and that makes your content so special. Just focus and engaging with the followers who look up to you and see you as friend or role-model. And then this will all be over, I’m sure that you will crush the algorithm with your thrifting content!
    Sending you love from Germany
    Pia 💕

    • Louisa

      Hey Jess, thank you for beeing so open about this! You will get through this, also if it is hard in the moment. A quote that says ,, No matter what you’re going through, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it‘‘. I think also that the verse, that happened to pop up is a sign!
      Stay strong! Sending you love and hugs from Germany! 🌺

  • Sarah

    I really hope you continue to create content that’s fun and interesting for you, not what you think will get views. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and seriously try something new. You don’t necessarily have to focus on production quality, either. I think just being excited about what you do will bring the views and success.
    Just wanted to know that I love your personality (and your content), so I’d stick with you if you decided to change your content. 🙂

  • Becky

    I’ve only just recently discovered (& subscribed to) your channel. I have appreciated not only your style but also your attitude. I am sure there is incredible pressure in the content-creator community to feel you have to continually push to create posts that are more unique or exciting or fill-in-the-blank than the next person. Yet what you have to offer, that no one else has, is yourself. So thank you for sharing that so openly! I appreciate it! ❤️

    • Natalie

      Thank you for sharing your heart and your thoughts. I can relate to you so much at this time. With COVID-19 I am sure many people are having the same feelings. I accepted a job on Monday , had orientation on Thursday, and worked my first day today(Friday). Which I realized after a 12 hour shift was not the right position for me. I had to call and express that I was quitting. This sent me into so many doubts, fear, and left me feeling very unworthy. I have been breaking down and living day to day just trying to get past this part of my life. But you make me feel not so alone and like it’s okay so thank you. We will both get through this! You have great videos and I enjoy watching what you post. Don’t give up and stay true to yourself because the world needs beautiful people like you.

  • Violet

    Hi Jessica. I am a fairly new subbie, less than 3 months. I adore your style and videos. First off, you are Gorgeous! Do not put yourself down. I am 40 and trust me, been doing that to myself for years. Until recently when I realized this is me now and it is a gift to grow older. Second, it is never a bad idea to have a plan B. I gave seen other youtubers branch out and do more brand deals and I am not mad at them. Bills need to get paid. I wish you the best and look forward to more of your content❤

  • Karina

    Hi Jess,

    I am also a subscriber to your youtube channel and I also knew about your blog. I’m surprised and happy to see you posted something since I last checked it had been a while! 🙂

    I cannot imagine how frustrating it must feel for you to see your views decreasing! I’m so sorry!
    You have awesome content possibly the best information for petites I have seen on YouTube. I do know you rely on views and I get that it is your career on the line.
    One thing I will say is if you notice that the most “popular YouTube videos” with a lot of views are honestly kind of tasteless. Whether it’s literally getting dressed and baring your body, cursing like there no tomorrow, doing idiotic things for likes or lately conspiracy theories. It sadly represents the world we live in today, people don’t care about God or pleasing Him.
    So If I can say a couple of words of encouragement:
    Keep doing what you are doing! Your followers, subscribers appreciate it a lot!
    Col 3:23
    You don’t have to change to try to be like others! God has gifted you in unique ways 😊
    Rom 12:2
    And lastly continue to pray without ceasing and rejoice in everything!
    1 Thess 5:16-18

    These are all things I’ve recently learned myself for me my struggle wasn’t views on YouTube but it was how others think me. I always felt I had to hide my faith and who I am for people to like me, but during this pandemic I’ve had time to really get to know who I am and be more open to who God made me to be. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders!

    😊🙏💪

  • Alyssa

    This was so encouraging & uplifting to read. It is so rare & refreshing when humans are truly honest about what they are going through. I feel like society and especially social media instill a thought process of needing to look & be perfect/happy all of the time, and that is not the reality. I have been feeling the same way in regards to posting something I’m proud of & not getting the response I expected, so thank you for reminding me to be proud of myself and post regardless. I love your heart and your videos. Keep em coming.

  • Christina O

    Hello Jess,
    I will say that one of the first things that made me click on one of your videos, many years ago, was curiosity. As a mom, and as a fellow thrifter, I was curious as to how thrifting for clothing became so popular. But I regress and think about how we used to thrift when I was a child. It was mostly out of need, but I always ended up with some cool styles.
    You have a way of connecting with people, whether it’s with thrifting and amazing styling you do, or sharing your vacation getaways, as well as sharing your opinion on Instagram for beauty and styling products.
    I just recently shared your YouTube channel, and IG, with my oldest daughter. I was missing her since she has been away at school these past few years. She is such an inspiration to me, as she is working hard ever day to reach her many goals. My daughters are my inspiration, and when I see a young woman their age doing their best that makes me proud.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice with us. I think your questions and responses will be helpful to many. I know that it has helped me understand what my daughters are going through a little better.
    Take care. See you soon!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.